I can't recall when the last time was that I actually posted something on here. It's been a while, huh? So many things to update you about life. I was reading back on my old posts, and I find it funny because I remember people advising me not to worry so much about my problems back then because they wouldn't matter in five or ten years. It's officially five years now since I've posted something, and I'm here to confirm that with everyone. A solid yes, because I don't even remember most of the problems I've had in the past. Honestly, it's a huge blessing if you ask me.
Can we all agree that the alignments in the past were so terrible that I had a hard time digesting all my older posts? I believe it's the university life that made me react this way. Well, I'm officially twenty-five now with a degree from Lancaster. I swore when I was eighteen; I was definitely lost. I mean, I still am, but plenty of things are clearer to me now. I guess it's the experience and salt I've tasted over these years.
Speaking of salt, I finally obtained a diving license from PADI! It was a super impromptu trip to Tioman Island, and knowing me back then, I would definitely have said no to stuff like these because I would think that I'm incapable of achieving it. Funny how I was so afraid of getting out of my comfort zone in the past, and I'm currently typing this at the age of twenty-five with a septum nose piercing.
Dear diary, remember when I used to hate being alone for a long period of time? Remember when I hated family gatherings and reunions because I disliked the fact that no one was waiting for me at home? Remember when I thought my first relationship would be my last one? Remember all the insensitive jokes I made when I was younger? I grew out of it. I became someone who needs her alone time as much as she can and stopped expecting reunions to happen anymore. She makes time to see people whenever she misses them, and she is much better at tackling sensitive topics. Some might say she's a ticking bomb because you'll never know when you'll trigger her. Well, she had her fair share of guys she dated, and she's currently still figuring that part out. She's renting a room in the middle of Kuala Lumpur, and she's 300 kilometers away from home.
Maybe it wasn't really about the location. It was always the comfort and peace that came with it. I've made peace with things that I can no longer control, and I'll continue the rest of my journey this way. Whenever I feel like my problems are too big for me to handle, I know that they won't matter anymore in a few years. I wouldn't even remember them, and I've become better at hiding my feelings and sorting out my emotions. Some were exposed, and some were buried deep under the sea, if you will. Best believe that I'm more aware of my feelings and emotions now.
The only thing that I find hard to bury or overlook is my pain in the past that I dearly hold onto, but I understand that it's okay if some pain from the past starts resurfacing again. I'll be able to trust myself and manage it better now.
Hopefully, in another 5 years, I'll cringe at this post and say, 'I wish this wasn't the truth. I really can't remember why I was so worried in the first place.'
Till next time, love. xx